#2842
[Sam] Abby?!?
Date: 05/21/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Finally! Mode>>>
[Abby] Yes, Sam. It's me! I can't believe I finally found you after all these years.
[Sam] You look great! Different than you used to, but great.
[Abby] And you look just the same! I can't believe you haven't changed a bit.
[Sam] So what brings you by, Abby?
[Abby] Well, ever since Intercect was disbanded, I've always wondered what happened to you. Finally, I just had to know so I tracked you down. I missed you, you know.
[Sam] Yeah. I missed you too. What have you been up to?
[Abby] Well, I put my law degree to good use as a trial lawyer in the northeast. I serve as an advocate for disadvantaged people! ([Sam] Cool!) I think I'm really making a difference. What have you been up to?
[Sam] Well... I started working for the Pharaoh a few years back. Things were a little slow up to that poin, but they're good now. Three squares a day, and enough folding money to keep me in the green, if ya know what I mean. :o)
[Abby] Uh... yeah. What is it you said you do around here?
[Sam] I do things for the Pharaoh. Mostly covert stuff, kind of like what I did for Intersect years ago.
[Abby] And what is it this "Pharaoh" does?
[Sam] Well, he's uh... an adventurer. Yeah, that's it. A fortune hunter, if you will.
[Abby, with a look of suspicion.] He's a criminal, isn't he?
[Sam] Oh, no! No, no, no-- yea. A little.
[Abby] Sam!
[Sam] But he's really a good guy. He means well. Most of the time...
[Abby] Sam, how can you work for a criminal! You're one of the good guys!
[Sam] Well, he lets me do my thing, ya know? Most employers aren't as... understanding as him. He's pretty mellow about my lifestyle.
[Abby] Sam, I had hoped to start things up with you again. But in some ways, you've totally changed, and in others you're stuck in the past! I wish I'd never come here now. [She turns and runs out, crying.]
[Sam] Abby! Wait! [He runs out, only to find that she's already gone.] Abby...
[Dejected, Sam turns around and goes back into the bar. He mulls over what Abby said.]
[Sam] Stuck in the past, eh? [He comes to a stop in front of the new dance machine Linky had wanted.] "Dance Dance Inferno", huh? I'm cool. I can do modern. I’ve played Pac-Man. [He puts a quarter into the machine. It takes him a moment to realize it wants a whole dollar's worth. Grumbling, he puts that in.]
[The machine lights up, and makes some intense musical sounds, which make Sam jump.]
[Machine] OWWWWW!! DDI MAX!!! Select your difficulty and tune!
[Sam selects “Mellow” for the difficulty and “Magic Carpet Ride” for the song. The steps are easy to begin with, and Sam smiles as he follows flawlessly.]
[Sam] This isn’t so bad…
[But the steps start moving faster, and more complicated. Sam soon finds that he has to strain to keep up. Sweat pours down his face as he matches his steps with the arrows on the video screen.]
[Sam] Whoa! I’m doing it! I’m actually doing it! But I need to take a break now…
[Sam’s elation turns to horror as he realizes he can’t stop. Try as he might, he can’t prevent his feet from moving faster and faster. Sam looks at the video screen, and yells with a start as he sees a face he recognizes…]
[Sam] YOU! It can’t be! I thought we-AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!
[And with that, Sam’s body glows with a bright light. He clutches his head as he turns into pure light and is pulled into the video screen. After a moment, everything goes quiet: man, machine, and music, and a stylized image of Sam can be seen on the video screen. He looks around in terror, screaming mutely as his pixelized form continues to dance.]
[Suddenly, a low-key jazz vamp fills the air, but it isn’t coming from the machine. A disembodied voice starts to sing, in tune with the music.]
Voice: o/` Now we’re havin’ fun o/`
o/` That’s what it’s aaaalllll aboooouuuut… o/`
[The music stops, and the mysterious voice chuckles throatily.]
TmPM
Finally! Now to get this arc underway!
Yellow Light
Sarcophagus!
#2843
EM: Tee hee! Now what?
Date: 05/22/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Lita and Evil Mike have each recently taken another herbal supplement, and they're ready for more mischief.>
Lita: I don't know!
EM: Hey! Look! There's Mickey! <he laughs> Let's go punch him! It's totally fun, you have no idea until you try it!
Lita: Hee hee! I'll try anything fun!
<They both scramble out of Spidey and run over to Mickey who gives them both a bewildered look>
Lita: Tee hee! Hi Mickey! Hold still a sec while we punch you...
Mickey: No, why don't YOU hold still a sec?
Lita: Because that wouldn't be as fun... hey, are you all right? We just said we were gonna punch you is all.
<Mickey has been twitching around a bit. He convulses a little, makes a gurgling noise, and then suddenly he turns into a badly drawn cartoon character with wings. His ridiculously detailed clothing is white, but his face consists pretty much of two dots for the eyes, a poiny kind of arrow for the nose, and a line for the mouth. The hair is a horrible black blobby mass on top of his head. He smirks knowingly. Oh no! He's become the ultimate buzzkill! He's become...>
Lita & EM: SALLY FORTH!!
Sally Forth: <with a knowing smile> That's right. It is I, the Angel Sally Forth. And I am here to guide the two of you on your paths. I knew if I disguised myself as one of your friends it would get your attention. And now I'm here to help you.
Lita: Are you like one of those spirit guide dudes or something?
Angel Sally Forth: <disdainfully> I'm not a "dude" as you call it. But I am your guide.
Lita: Wait... I thought my guide was Skip? Why isn't he here? He was cool. <To Evil Mike> He gave me my own TV show.
EM: Really? I want one of those!
ASF: He couldn't be here, <disapprovingly> he's on his coffee break.
***
<We see a dimly lit and smoke filled back room. Skip and the Angel Bono are playing poker>
AngelBono: Got any threes?
Skip: Nope. Go fish.
AngelBono: Hey! I got it! I win! And you owe me three kittens!
Skip: Damn!
***
ASF: *shudder*
Lita: Well what about the Angel Bono? He's really nice! He didn't give me my own TV show, but he did give me...
EM: <excitedly> Yes?
Lita: um... he gave me um... <she smiles faintly> He was really nice!
ASF: That was a dream sequence, Carmelita. <She gets does that pose she often does when she's dispensing her wisdom, where she holds one hand up by her ear and poins one finger upward, as if to say "Tip #1> Dreams are nice and they can be interesting too, but it's important to be able to separate fantasy from reality. The Angel Bono isn't real.
Lita: But you're not real either!
EM: Yeah, that's right! You're a character from a comic strip!
Lita: *quietly* And not a very good one at that...
ASF: <Wisdom Poin> Being rude may make you feel like a bigger person right now, but if you continue to do it you'll find you have less and less friends. Soon you'll be all alone, and find you have nobody to blame for your utter isolation but yourself. <She gets that insufferable little knowing smirk she always dons when she is dispensing her immeasurable wisdom upon lower lifeforms such as her husband, her daughter, her coworkers, or in this case, Lita and Evil Mike.>
Lita: <looks reproachfully at the Angel Sally Forth> Geez, lady, what's your deal?
EM: Yeah. What do you have against us having a little fun?
ASF: <Wisdom Poin coupled with Knowing Smirk... it's a dangerous combination> Fun may seem like fun right now, but it won't get you into a good college, nor will it help you get a good career.
Lita: I'm already in college.
ASF: But you're not in a *good* college.
Lita: I am too!
ASF: Shut up, dear, I'm helping you. Now. <Wisdom Poin> You're relying on drugs now because you're afraid to live life for yourself--
Lita: It's not like we're on heroin or something. We have a prescription. You can ask Dr. Skibum.
ASF: Don't interrupt.
<The Angel Sally Forth continues her lecture, throwing in the occasional Wisdom Poin, Knowing Smirk, or Snotty Anecdote About Her Husband, Daughter, or Coworkers Wherein Her Endless Wisdom Allowed Her To Save Them From Themselves. Lita's eyes start to glaze over. Evil Mike pays no attention.>
ASF: Which is why you should always... (blah blah blah)
<Evil Mike whispers something in Lita's ear. Lita giggles>
ASF: ...and the world would be a better place. Do you see?
<Evil Mike and Lita have clearly been paying more attention to each other than to her>
ASF: I see. You're going to be difficult, are you? All right. No more Mrs. Nice Sally. <She pushes up her sleeves> Now you're going to wish you'd just listened to what I had to say...
Lita & EM: Huh? <they both look worried>
EM: You wouldn't hit a guy with a broken arm, would you?
ASF: Get ready to face my wrath, right-- Hey!
Lita & EM: What??
<But the Angel Sally Forth is not looking at them. She's looking at a woman across the street who is walking her dog.>
ASF: Hey! <She runs across the street and accosts the woman> I hope you brought along something to help dispose of his mess when he relieves himself!
Woman: Er... yes, I brought along these baggies--
ASF: <Wisdom poin> Pet ownership can be fun, but it's also a big responsibility. You have to make sure your new best friend doesn't bother you neighbors. This is why you must always prepare to clean up after...
<She continues at length, but you don't need to hear it. Lita and Evil Mike sneak away while the Angel Sally Forth is busy enlightening the poor dog owner.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Green Light
No, Mickey hasn't secretly been Sally Forth all this time. He's still Mickey. ASF was just wearing a clever disguise.
#2844
<Tork is at an internet cafe.>
Date: 05/23/2003
From: Tork_110
Tork: There. I signed up at all the online dating services. Soon I will find a woman who will make Lita jealous. Then I can finally use her to make Nuveena jealous. ... Or is it the other way around? Whatever.
<Later...>
Tork_110: Hi!
SexyWoman69: lol, Hello.
Tork_110: Would you like to go on a date?
SexyWoman69: Is this really your picture in the members profile?
Tork_110: It sure is!!
SexyWoman69: Then no.
Tork_110: What? But I was the star of Joe Robot.
SexyWoman69: Yeah, sure. And I'm the star of Hollywood Hot Tubs 25.
Tork_110: Oooh! Sounds classy.
<5 minuts later.>
Tork_110: Well, isn't it?
SexyWoman69: *sigh* Moron.
SexyWoman69: *left the chat 5 secons ago.
<Still later.>
Tork: Wow! Someone sent me an email.
<Tork reads the email.>
Hi Torq.
How has this year gone for you? It's gone by, hasn't it? Thanks for writing back. You sounded like a nice guy, so I decided to write to you. =)
So, let's get together sometime. Let's shoot for next weekend. We can get together than. Don't worry, I'm easy to please, so you don't have to spend too much money on me. :)
Here's my website. I have some pictures there. *wink*
xoxo's Ally
<Tork looks at the website.>
Tork: WOW! She's hot! And she cooks in her underwear. (drools)
<Tork scrolls the page down.>
Tork: Huh? Age verification? She wants me to pay to look at the rest of her site? Ummm...ok. I guess she has a good reason. I'll get my credit card.
<Meanwhile, somewhere else...>
LKF: Ha! He took the bait. I knew he was a loser. Mooron.
#2845
Rimmi: (by herself) Where did Mickey go?
Date: 05/26/2003
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
I know I was with him but he up and left. That little...
SuperstarSparky: (running down the street in a blind panic. See, Rimmi is wandering aimlessly down this city block it seems everyone is on and she's lonely and feeling lost in the story so she decided to find a nice little coffee shop where she could drown her troubles and Vanilla Capuccino Frosty with little shavings of chocolate on the top. Anyway, she hasn't found that coffee shop yet and she's wondering if she wandered into a bad neighborhood. She was about to turn back when-) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Robo_Pimp_Daddy: (running up behind him) Thanks for pissing April off, guys, that really helped. I love it when crazed women are pissed with me. Gets my circulation going so I never have to worry about dying before my years.
SuperstarSparky: It was Andrew's fault. (slows down to catch breath and so does Robo Pimp Daddy) He kept trying to pull her away from me.
Robo_Pimp_Daddy: Trust me, you don't want her. She's clingy and whiny.
SuperstarSparky: Didn't you program her to be that way?
Robo_Pimp_Daddy: Yeah, a little. I was hoping she'd be cute that way but you live and learn right?
Tuckers_Brother: (comes speeding around the corner with a female robot arm latched onto his pant leg) Help me! Please! She's gonna break my ankle and I have weak ankles!
Robo_Pimp_Daddy: Andrew, stop. Don't move. (Andrew does as told and Warren approaches the arm carefully. It's dainty fingers crawl up Andrew's leg as if tempting someone to grab it) If I can pull the right wire she should let go. (He looks over the mass of wires sticking out of the arm socket while Jonathan looks back to see if April is still behind them. He notices Rimmi and waves nervously. Rimmi waves back, curious at what is going on.)
Tuckers_Brother: Oh..... hurry. I have leg hair right there that she's pulling.
Robo_Pimp_Daddy: Shhhh..... I'm thinking...... (He reaches down and pulls the green wire and the arm falls limp) Ah ha! Green means- (the arm reels up and grabs Warren's throat) ack!
Rimmi: Oh come one. I've built enough evil robots in this rp to know better. Green means kill. It's the red wire that powers the whole arm system.
Robo_Pimp_Daddy: Ack! (Andrew tries to pull the arm off him but she's holding on to tight. Warren is turning all shades of purple.)
Rimmi: I'll do it. (She yanks the wire and sure enough the arm falls limp) See?
SuperstarSparky: Holy Angry She-bots, she's coming back! (Around the corner an awful metallic roar can be heard)
Rimmi: Let's duck into this corner deli. She'll never think we're stupid enough to hide in a place with meat slicers!
Tuckers_Brother: Good plan. I'm totally in. (Warren and Jonathan agree.)
Rimmi: And you wouldn't believe the blackmarket herbal supplements they sell here if you know the right people! (all four duck inside to wait out the evil robot hijinks outside.)
******************Green Light*****************
#2846
Tuckers_Brother: Hey wait!
Date: 05/26/2003
From: Tuckers_Brother
Robo_Pimp_Daddy: What?!? Why are we waiting? We are running into this deli that Rimmi knows of, not waiting while angry robots stalk us!
Tuckers_Brother: But how does she know of it? A moment ago her narration told us she didn't know where she was and now she's got all this convenient knowledge? I smell something funky and it's not the provolone.
Rimmi: Look, I just happened to get my berrings and know where we were as I stopped to help you. It's the truth.
Robo_Pimp_Daddy: Does this really matter, Andrew? What? Do you think Rimmi has some evil scheme against us because she suddenly figured out where she was? That's crazy and it's wasting valuable seconds.
Tuckers_Brother: I'm just saying it's strange, is all. We should keep our eyes on her. We are, after all, super villains and she could be trying to trap us right where she wants us.
SuperstarSparky: We don't have time, let's just duck into that backroom and discuss this later, okay?
Tuckers_Brother: Fine, later. (He eyes Rimmi with that look of "I know that you know that I know you know, you know?")
Rimmi: Yeah, much later. (She winks at Andrew and heads into the backroom behind Warren and Jonathan.)
Robo_Pimp_Daddy: You know, this whole atmosphere, the shredding and ripping and tearing of flesh, it's making me a little queasy for some reason.
***************Still Green Light******************
#2847
Hanging out at the bookstore
Date: 05/29/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
[Note to STG: Yes, I went ahead and used your character in this reply without explaining how he got away from the bank he was attempting to rob last time we saw him. I needed him for this reply and didn't feel like writing that other scene. Feel entirely free, if you choose, to shoehorn in a reply explaining how he managed to get out of there without being arrested. If you don't want to do that, then I guess we can just assume that he, like Lita and Evil Mike, managed to slip out of the bank before the police arrived, and that it wasn't interesting enough to deserve a whole reply all to itself. Anyway, back to the action.]
<Lita and Evil Mike have ducked into a local bookstore in order to get away from their irritating guardian angel. They're both reading up when STG runs in. He's all sweaty and panicky on account of being on the run from the law, and he's still got pantyhose hanging off his head, though he's pulled them up in front so that we can see his face and he can breathe. He hasn't bothered to take the pantyhoe off his salmon. He runs up to Lita and Evil Mike.>
Lita: Hey! It's Fishboy!
STG: Woah! Dudes! It was so uncool of you to leave me at the bank like that! I was almost arrested!
<Lita and Evil Mike look at STG and laugh at him.>
STG: Oh, come on! You guys can be nice! Say, why are you both reading cookbooks?
EM: We're looking for a recipe.
STG: Really? I like food. What kind of recipe?
<Lita shows him the page she's on>
STG: You're looking for recipe's on how to cook SALMON???
<STG's salmon shudders. STG can feel it because the salmon is taped to him. But Lita and Evil Mike wouldn't have noticed it even if they were paying attention to STG.>
STG: <He grabs the cookbooks and reshelves them, though he puts them in the wrong places and the employees of this bookstore will probably be pissed about that.> You guys are so mean! I don't know why I hang out with you!
Lita: Because you're our buddy, Fishboy!
STG: I... I am?
EM: Oh. Yeah. Definitely. <Lita and Evil Mike almost burst out laughing at this, but make an effort to suppress it.>
STG: Somehow I get the feeling that you guys aren't telling me the truth-- Ack!! I just saw Sheriff Alan Hale walking around out there! He's looking for me! You guys gotta hide me! Come on, buddies! Please?
<Since this actually sounds kind of fun and exciting to Lita and Evil Mike, they agree. They push STG down into a chair and give him a book to read, (Susan Powter's "STOP THE INSANITY," if you must know) which he holds up in front of his face so that nobody can see it. Sheriff Alan Hale comes in and walks up to the front counter.>
Alan Hale: <all slack jawed, as usual, and talking to the clerk> Say, I'm looking for a dangerous suspect. He robbed a bank. You can tell who he is because he has a fish taped to his stomach.
STG: Ack! <Lita hands STG another, smaller book. (Judy Bloom's "Blubber") STG holds it open in front of his salmon.>
Clerk: <scratching his head> I saw a guy with a small mouthed bass come in here earlier. Is that who you're looking for?
Alan Hale: No, the guy I'm looking for definitely had a salmon.
Clerk: Oh. Well that wouldn't be him, then. What about a flounder? One of those came in yesterday.
Alan Hale: Is a flounder anything like a salmon?
Clerk: Nope.
Alan Hale: Then it wasn't him.
Clerk: Seagull? I saw some chick with a seagull taped to her head.
Alan Hale: Now look, I told you, I'm trying to find--
Clerk: How about a moose? I could get you a moose.
Alan Hale: Now look here--
Clerk: <leaning on the counter and speaking in a conspiratorial whisper.> Did you know that moose attract mates by peeing on each other's shoes?
Alan Hale: <suddenly interested> Really?
Clerk: Yeah. I saw it in a nature documentary.
<As Alan hale and the clerk continue their conversation, Lita nudges STG's shoulder>
Lita: There, buddy! You see? Thanks to us you're in the clear!
EM: Yeah, Fishboy! Now they'll never know that you robbed that bank!
STG: Shh! He's standing right there!
Lita: Actually, Evil Mike, he didn't rob the bank. It was an attempted robbery.
STG: I said shut up! You guys are gonna mess up this whole hiding thing!
EM: Oh! I see! So FISHBOY HERE only TRIED to ROB THE BANK!
STG: SHHHHH!!!!
<Suddenly, in walks that horrible Sally Forth Angel. Lita and Evil Mike grab the first bits of reading material they can get hold of, and hide behind it.>
STG: Ah. So now I see. You guys are hiding too!
EM: <peeking out from behind the C edition of the encyclopedia he grabbed> Lita! What's she doing?
Lita: <who just so happened to grab the Six Shirtless Workmen Calendar> Oh yeah! Mr. October! You chop that wood! You *like* chopping wood, don't you? *giggle*
EM: Never mind. <He sticks his nose back in his book.>
<Sally Forth is wandering around the bookstore looking for Lita and Evil Mike.>
ASF: Where are those two! I don't have time for this! I could be home right now lecturing my daughter about how worried I am about her desire play video games on her vacation time! In my day, we never played video games during our free time!
Random Bookstore Geek: When was that, Lady? 1834?
ASF: Young man, when I was your age I never talked to my elders that way! Because I knew that with age comes wisdom. <knowing smirk> Yes, some day you'll be my age and you'll look back and see how ignorant you were when you were your age. And you'll weep that you wasted your youth reading instead of taking nature hikes. I loved nature hikes when I was your age, and I don't understand why you don't take after me. You see, life is short and...
<She continues lecturing the poor boy until his eyes roll back in his head and he falls to the floor, foaming at the mouth. Evil Mike peeks out from behind his encyclopedia.>
EM: Brutal! Lita, we can't let her do that to us!
STG: Looks like now I have the power. For you see, it is now I who can tell her where you are! Unless you give in to these demands:
<Lita and Evil Mike simultaneously brain STG with their reading material. Though Evil Mike had that big hardcover encyclopedia and Lita just had a flimsy calendar with full of shirtless workmen. You decide who did the most damage. STG is now unconscious, lying face down on the floor. He's also lying on top of his Salmon, though Lita and Evil Mike aren't paying attention to that.>
Lita: That'll show him.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
doesn't know what section of the bookstore they were in
that such a large variety of books was right there.
Green Light
#2848
Oops, sorry Lita...
Date: 05/29/2003
From: ServoTheGreat
(Thanks for the green light earlier, I would've done something with it, but I've been so damn busy lately. Anyway, I'm gonna do something right now, I guess.)
Alan Hale: Hey, foamy! (Talking to the now unconcious Clerk) Dammit, whadda 'bout that trout--
Salmon: (Despite better judgement, blurts out) SALMON!
Alan Hale: Yeah, right, Salmon Guy?
Clerk: Ffflaargghhherrraaaflflll...
Alan Hale: Ah, whatever... Crap, now I gotta walk all the way back to my car... *Sigh*
Sally Forth: Sighing? Why back in my day we sighed when we had to sigh! Not when we were too out of shape to walk back to our cars, even though they're parked right out front, over three handicapped spaces.
Alan Hale: *Huff* *Puff* Oh, cram it... (waddles out the front door)
STG: (Who comes to right about now) Huh? Hey, Skipper's gone! Now it's my time to escape! (notices Lita and EM hiding behind their books/calenders) [Or perhaps I should help them escape from that noogy woman at the counter? They'd be so grateful, they'd let me into GROPE for sure! Or maybe they won't! Maybe they'll just toss me to the side like some used kleenex, AGAIN! But should I take the chance, and help them? Opportunities like this don't come around everyday? Yeah, opportunities to burn 'em good! I wanted to get revenge on them before, and this would be perfect! But then I'd never get into GROPE... But do I really want to get in? Wait, why the hell do I even want to get in in the first place? None of them like me! But then again, they might if I help them. But they probably won't, like usual! Well maybe if--] (STG's been sitting on the floor, thinking so long he hasn't noticed that Sally Forth has caught sight of him, and has closed in for the kill)
Sally Forth: Sitting on the floor? Well, I never! (Notices the Salmon taped to him) And with fish strapped to yourself? Well, I don't know what you're smoking, punk, but it's time I got you on some good, old-fashioned, lecturing!
STG: Huh? Who the hell are you?
Sally Forth: Back in my day we didn't blah blah blah blah...
STG: [So.. boring... Being literally... bored to... death...] (STG and the Salmon fall flat on their back, and begin foaming and twitching)
Sally Forth: (Sees Lita reading the Six Shirtless Workmen Calender) You there, young lady, how can you read that degenerate filth! (Heads toward her)
Lita & EM: [CRAP!]
ServoTheGreat
Proofreading? We don't need no stinking proofreading!
Green Light!
#2849
Sally Forth: Hmph!
Date: 06/04/2003
From: Carmelita9000
************************************************************
[Before I begin, STG, it was the Random Bookstore Geek that got Sally Forthed. Not the clerk. Totally different people. But it's ok. Probably Sally was aiming at the Random Bookstore Geek but the clerk was also listening in and got caught in the crossfire. :o)]
************************************************************
ASF: You're looking at pictures of shirtless men! A child of your age!
Lita: I'm 22.
ASF: And you have a boyfriend! For shame, young lady!
<Evil Mike tries not to draw attention to himself>
ASF: Look at these poor exploited men, working out in the sun with no shirts on!
Lita: I'm looking, I'm looking...
ASF: You know, <wisdom poin> it's unhealthy to work out in the sun like that without a shirt. You could get skin cancer. You see, a nice so-called "healthy" tan is just your body's way of showing you have skin damage! That man will get wrinkles before he even knows it!
Lita: He could be wearing sunscreen.
ASF: <knowing smirk> Even if he is, that's not enough. Haven't you heard the slogan? "Slip, Slop, Slap!"
Lita: ...
ASF: You know, "Slip on a shirt, slop on some sunscreen, and slap on a hat!"
Lita: I know what it means. I've seen the billboards. I just think it's stupid.
ASF: It's an award winning campaign!!
Lita: It's a stupid award winning campaign.
ASF: Don't mock the campaign!
Lita: Besides, it sure takes the fun out of things.
ASF: Fun? Life is too short to have any fun, Missy! If you spend all your time having fun you won't have any time for the more important things! Like balancing your checkbook! <wisdom poin> Now I've come up with 17 easy ways to tell if you're having too much fun: #1...
<The Angel Sally Forth goes on and on and on. Lita and Evil Mike are helpless. As they listen, their eyes get bigger and bigger, until they fall over, foaming at the mouth.>
ASF: That'll teach you what happens when you don't listen to me the first time. <She looks through Lita's knapsack and takes her jar of herbal supplements.> Stupid druggies. Drugs are bad! <She opens the jar> Hmm... <She pops a few of the pills> Gotta do my research for my job, you know. *giggle* Now I'll know why drugs are bad! <She waves her hand in a fairy godmother kind of way and disappears.>
EM: <Sitting up and wiping his mouth> Finally she's gone! <Evil Mike picks up Lita and carries her out of the bookstore> Good thing I never listened to a word Lita said. It was good practice for not listening to Sally.
<Spidey is parked nearby, so Evil Mike climbs in with Lita, closes the door, and drives off>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
almost had EM say a line from one of U2's songs
but that would have been too distracting for Lita
who is supposed to be out cold
and not climbing all over Evil Mike
No, it doesn't matter what song.
Evil Mike is such a big faker!
Sally Forth probably had a poin about the skin cancer
and the premature aging,
but that's not the poin.
Tork wants Mickey to tell the pants story again!
So blame him if Mickey does it.
Green Light, I guess
#2850
It has come to my attention
Date: 06/04/2003
From: Tork_110
that I said in one of the summaries:
"Lita cannot think of anything that could prove to GROPE who's who, and Lita2780 want juice."
The sentence should have said:
..., and Lita2780 wantS juice.
I apologize for wasting your time with my mistakes. Sorry.
#2851
Mickey: I invented pants
Date: 06/04/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Tork: Yeah...here we go!
Manute: Manute wear same pants every day. Too hard finding Really Really Big Tall Store.
Tork: Ewwwwww.....
Mickey: See...it all started...hey where'd Rimmi go?
Tork: Who cares, get with the pants!
Mickey: Oh...ok. So....(Suddenly, the GROPE crew is interrupted when a flying DeLorean enters the atmosphere in a strak of blue light)
Manute: Santa?
(The DeLorean lands in front of the crew)
Doc Brown: Mickey! You've got to come with me!
Mickey: Ack! Get away you old perv!
Tork: Yeah! Mickey's got a pants story to tell!
Doc Brown: You've got to come back with me...to the future!
Tork: The...future? Can I go? I like the future! Especially the women!
Doc Brown: No! This only concerns Mickey! And Manute Bol....for some odd reason.
Manute: Manute loved by millions.
Tork: Rats.
Doc Brown: And your kids!
Mickey: Wait....me and Manute! Ack!!!!
Doc Brown: Oh no, it's not that. Manute's your roommate after the divorce!
Tork: Divorce? Ha! Your kids are latchkeys, na na na na nana!
Mickey: Hey, you shutup about my kids like that!
(Tork sticks his tongue out at Mickey)
(Meanwhile.....)
Rick: OK, boss...just one more jolt oughtta do it! There! Now, GROPE will be public enemy number one once we find a place to broadcast the signal! Boss? Boss?
PM: Oh shutup, Rick! Sam's missing! Priorities!
Rick: Sam's not missing...he's probably just invisible.
Nabut: Nope....I don't see him. Get off my foot, my leachpitt.
PM: Sorry! No, he's missing. According to the atomic clock, it's precisely 4:19, and 53 seconds. He should be cranking up the Steppenwolf by now!
Rick: *sigh* OK...so no on the hypno, then?
PM: I'm worried, Rick. Sam's like a brother to me.
Rick: Oh, and I'm not like a brother?
PM: Well, you're like...a cousin. And so are Nabut and Linky.
Rick: Buffalo?
PM: He's like that weird uncle no one talks about.
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog!!!
Red light on me
#2852
Mickey: So Doc.....
Date: 06/04/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
I'm afraid I can't go.
Doc Brown: Why not?
Mickey: Because...I...I'm totally against supporting John DeLorean's cocaine habit!
Tork: I think Mickey's still a little gunshy from WR2.
Mickey: Am not!
Doc Brown: Manute's ready to go!
(Manute's indeed all ready to go, as he's already put on his seat belt)
Manute: Manute want to see if Manute still have hair!
Mickey: If only I could share his enthusiasm....
Doc Brown: Perhaps this will convince you (Hands Mickey a letter)
Dear Mickey,
I'm sorry it's come to this, but in the end, Margaret just wanted me more...
Mickey: Who the hell's Margaret?
....Mickey, get out of my voice over, chump. Too bad that DawnBGone Slapping Trouts stock didn't work out for you, but again, thanks for the tip about Levi. I'm stinking rich! Heh, see you around, turkey!
Sam
Mickey: Turkey? Turkey? Nobody *ever* calls me tur (one of the DeLorean's doors comes up and hits Mickey in the nose) Owww...
Manute: Sorry. Manute no longer play with buttons.
Doc Brown: This is bad!
Mickey: I'll say...I marry a Margaret.
Doc Brown: No...Sam stole your wife!
Mickey: Let him. If I've learned anything from Dennis The Menace, it's Margarets are usually ugly bitchy redheads.
Doc Brown: But your kids!
Mickey: Margaret. What was I drinking?
Doc Brown: This sends your kids into a spiraling depression! One that leads to Mickey Jr. hooking up with Evil Mark's gang!
Mickey: I don't care. I have important things to do here in the present! Like uh...
Doc Brown: OK, I tried. (Zaps Mickey with a taser)
Manute: Oooh, Sparkly!
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
May a moody baby doom a yam
Red Light
#2853
But what about the pants story?
Date: 06/05/2003
From: Tork_110
Tork: Oh well. Mickey's probably going to mess up the space time continuum. That's so typical of him.
<Tork realizes he's alone, so he tries to call up some old friends to keep him company.>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cave Rimmi: I'm washing my hair. *click*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lord Kinsey Figgeybottom: Mooo way! You mooade mooe get up for this? Now go away, I'moo spending your...err, mooy moooney. *click*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cara: Are you sure you're not Rimmi? ... *click*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday: I'm going to kill you when I find you. <blows a kiss> *click*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
gypsy: Where's the baby that you owe me!!?!!?
Tork: Gah!! *click*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<After all that, someone finally agrees to hang out with Tork.>
Tork: Wow, this is fun.
Lita6969: It sure is!
Tork: I love pools. The old HQ should have had a pool.
Lita6969: *giggle* Jimmy would like this if he wasn't off saving the world.
Tork: Yeah. ... This is so relaxing.
Lita6969: Hey, look what I found.
Tork: What? Hey, that looks like the lower half of your bikin... oh.
Lita6969: :o)
Tork: <gets nervous> Look, you probably shouldn't do that. We might have to leave here in a hurry.
Lita6969: Why not? It's not like we're trespassing! <laughs>
<Tork avoids looking 6969 in the eye.>
Lita6969: Tork? We aren't trespassing,are we?
Tork: Well...
<Suddenly!!!!! There's a noise.>
Lita6969: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! <puts her bikini back on>
Tork: Sshhh! Maybe they didn't hear us.
<Tork reaches out to the side of the pull and grabs something.>
Tork: Who is it? Stay back! I have a bat and some holy water!
Lita6969: Holy water? Oh no! You don't mean...
Tork: Hey, I came prepared. No vampires are going to get us.
Lita6969: Oh Torky, you are so bra...EEEEK! A VAMPIRE!!
Tork: GAH!!!
<Tork throws the holy water at the woman. It doesn't have any effect.>
Lita6969: Oh no! We're trapped! And there is the queen vampire!
Tork: How do you know!?
Lita6969: She has a bat tattoo on her chest!!!
<to be continued...?>
Green light!
#2854
Lita: Ah, what a lovely day for ride in
Date: 06/07/2003
From: ServoTheGreat
Spidey. Wouldn't you say Mikey?
EM: Yeah... Everything is so nice, and calm. I don't even feel like hurting anything for once.
(EM and Lita sigh heavily and lean against one another. Everything is smooth and serene... UNTIL A HAND SMACKS AGAINST THE WINDSHIELD OF SPIDEY! (I'm assuming that the windshield is one of spidey's eyes) Lita, EM, and even spidey scream in terror)
EM: (Panicing) Holy shit! You hit someone!
Lita: (Panicing even more) No I didn't!
(Spidey Swerves onto the shoulder)
EM: Jeez, you lady drivers are so bad. You should've let me drive. I wouldn't have hit anything... accidently...
Lita: Not now Mike! I just hit someone! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my-- (We see that the hand belongs to STG as he pulls up the rest of himself in front of the windshield) AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
EM: You hit Servo? Jeez what bad luck. Doesn't he, like, die eight times a day?
Lita: Please don't sue!
STG: That's right! Shiver and quake in fear of the mighty Salmon Man! I grabbed onto your vehicle as you tried to flee me, you cowards! Now prepare for my terrible vengeance!
Lita: We didn't hit him? *Phew* I was all stressed out for a second there...
EM: Have one of these. (Hands Lita one of the herbal pills, and takes one himself) They're totally mellow. Anyway, if you'll excuse me, babe, I gotta go kill Servo... (The pill takes effect) Whoa, there we go. *Giggle*
Lita: (In a really tired, and slow voice) *Giggle* Yeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh.... *Giggle*
STG: (Outside) Hey, pay attention! Open this thing up so I can get revenge!
(Neither Lita or EM listen. They just giggle and ramble incoherently)
STG: Dammit! Open the spider up, or I'll be really mad, um, madder with you guys!
(Still not listening)
STG: Oh come on! This is embarrassing! LET ME IN SO I CAN DESTROY YOU! DO IT NOOOOOOOWWWWWW!
EM: Whoa, we're, like, in a spider...
Lita: Yeah, *giggle*, that's like totally, *giggle*, whack, man...
(STG start pounding on the eye with his fists)
STG: Grrr... Stupid GROPERS! You're not making this any easier on yourselves!
(The pounding on Spidey's eye is starting to piss him off. One of his arms begins to move toward Servo.)
Salmon: Um, Servo...
Lita: A talking fish? What am I on... *Giggle*
STG: Not now, Salmon!
Salmon: Uh, it's kinda important.
STG: Well, this is important too.
Salmon: Yeah, well this is more important.
STG: (Stops pounding) What is?
Salmon: (Poins with one of his fins) That.
STG: (Turns around just in time to see Spidey grab him) GAH!
(Spidey sees a near by trash can, and lumbers toward it)
STG: Release me now! I'm Salmon Man! Release me! ...Please...
(Spidey forcevly(sp?) stuffs Servo into it, and slams the lid on. Then webs it shut)
STG: Let me out!
Salmon: Oh, give it up.
(Then Spidey kicks the can down a downward sloping street)
STG & Salmon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- (Yelling fades as they get farther away)
(Spidey then walks off into the distance. But with no one in sound mind at the helm, where will he go?)
ServoTheGreat
And... GREEEEEEEEEN LIGHT!
#2855
STG, entre nous...
Date: 06/07/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
I liked your reply, but there are a couple of continuity issues:
1. Lita recently got Sally Forthed. Though we do not know the full long term effects of this condition, judging from the last time we saw her she's in no position to engage in witty banter or to drive. In fact, Spidey has made an exception to the usual rule and let Evil Mike drive, since Lita's mostly speaking in monosyllables right now.
2. Sally stole all the herbal supplements. Though Lita and Evil Mike would like to have more, they don't have more. So they can't take more. (And since I'm trying to wrap up that particular plotline, I'd prefer if they didn't go to the pharmacy to get more. Yes, I know I left that door open earlier, but I changed my mind since then. :o) )
I don't know what could be done about all the conversation that goes on with Lita in that reply, since she isn't talking much at the moment. And I don't know if you want to do any rewriting anyway. But I suppose it would be reasonable to say that even if Lita weren't sick, and even if nobody took any herbal supplements, it would not be a stretch to imagine that Evil Mike would ignore STG. In fact, it seems pretty likely. Lita would too if she could ignore STG right now, but she's too busy being too spaced out to notice STG to ignore him.
Did any of that make any sense?
Anyway, I have no intention of vetoing your reply. The major poins in your reply can stand. (1. STG's pissed and shows up for revenge. 2. Lita and Evil Mike don't open Spidey or capitulate to his demands. 3. Spidey gets annoyed at STG's behavior and throws him and his Salmon in the garbage. 4. Nobody in sound mind is at the helm of Spidey. Would you consider Evil Mike to be of sound mind? I sure wouldn't.) As usual, it's just the continuity stuff that's sticking for me. :o)
And a technical note about Spidey, since you did bring up a good poin that should be explained. Spidey looks like a regular spider from the outside. From the inside he looks like a car. I usually envision the windshield being just above Spidey's head. And sometimes you can see it from the outside, and sometimes you can't. It depends on what's good for the plot. (And since he's a B-movie monster, the level of quality craftsmanship varies from scene to scene. :oÞ) Poking Spidey in the eyes doesn't do anything to the windshield because Spidey's eyes are not his windshield. Poking him in the eyes will just piss him off. (If you're having a hard time imagining this, then imagine a hairy VW beetle. Spidey's head would be on the hood of the car, with the windshield up just above his head. See? No? It's ok. If you really want confusion, try to figure out where his engine would be or how Evil Mike would open him up to work on him. That's the toughy!)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
#2856
Neat thing about Touch of Satan
Date: 06/08/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Young Lucinda looks a lot like our least favorite potential slayer, Kennedy! So, next time you watch TOS, sit back and enjoy! Except for the damn meddling Satan, making sure she didn't die...but the rest of it's good.
The Real Mickey T. Gardener
#2857
Oops, sorry.
Date: 06/08/2003
From: ServoTheGreat
Let me just explain, so people don't think I just skipped your reply.
1. I thought Sally only took a couple of the pills, not the whole jar.
2. I was just assuming that Lita got better, or something. I probably should've explained it. Ya know, so it would've made sense.
Okay, so here's everything at this point...
1. Lita is knocked out.
2. EM is driving Spidey somewhere, or letting KOed Lita drive.
3.STG and the Salmon are rolling around in a garbage can
4. Lita and EM are no longer on the pills.
5. Sally Forth is the suckiest comic strip of all time.
ServoTheGreat
And, that ladies and gentlemen, is that.
#2858
Kicking the can...
Date: 06/09/2003
From: Carmelita9000
************************************************************
You're absolutely right, STG! Sally Forth is a stupid comic! And I can't stop reading it... I think Sally has hypnotized my brain. I read it every morning, and I get annoyed every time! Like this one time...
Sally: Hello, Malformed Daughter! What did you do at school today?
Malformed Daughter, aka, Hillary: I got my geography test back.
Sally: <not bothering to look at the test or, more to the poin, the grade on the test> You did? Clearly we need to study geography together! It's a hard subject and you can't do a good job unless I nag you more!
Hillary: Uhhh.... ok!
Maybe Hillary got an A+++++ on that test, but we shall never know. And how old is Hillary anyway? This morning's strip said she was 10, but I always thought she was 11 or 12. My mom has put her age as high as 13. I really think her age keeps changing.
But on to the reply at hand.
************************************************************
<Spidey, being driven by Evil Mike, is kicking a garbage can all full up of STG and his salmon down the street.>
EM: <Enjoying himself> This is really fun! I should try this on Mickey or Tork sometime! What do you think, Lita?
Lita: ...
EM: Oh, that's right. You were Sally Forthed, and thus brain damaged. Heyyy... Wait a minute!
<Evil Mike stops Spidey, climbs out, and walks over to the garbage can. He pulls STG out by the collar.>
STG: Hey! You stopped! Thanks! I was getting kind of motion sick...
EM: All right you, <Evil Mike punches STG> I want some answers.
STG: Oof!! About what?
EM: Lita got Sally Forthed not too long ago, and now her brain is all scrambled!
STG: So?
EM: Didn't you get Sally Forthed too?
STG: Uh...
EM: Yes, you did! And yet you're fine! How did you recover so fast?
STG: Why do you want to know? So you can help Lita?
EM: Just answer the question.
STG: You want to help Lita? Ooooooo! Do you have a *crush* on her? <Evil Mike punches STG> Oof!!
EM: Shut up, she's my girlfriend. We can't smooch me while she's brain damaged. Well... we *can,* but it's totally creepy and gross. Now tell me what you did to recover from the Sally Forth curse.
STG: No. <Evil Mike punches STG> Ouch!
EM: Tell me, will you?
STG: So now you want help from me? All this time I've been running around trying to hang out with you guys and you never paid any attention to me! But now you want something and so you come crawling up to me just *begging* for information only I can give you! Now I have the power! And if you want me to tell you how I recovered so fast, you're going to have to complete three deadly tasks for me! They are very difficult and arduous tasks, and they may cause you to lose your sanity, your life, even your very soul! First! You must recover the Magic Scepter of Magicness from the evil Sorceress on Mt. Evil, and take it to King Blathazarr in the Kingdom of Insani-- <Evil Mike punches STG> OOF!!
EM: Never mind. If you're gonna just blather on like that, I really don't want to know. <He punches STG one more time for good measure and then turns to leave>
STG: Hey! Wait! I have that important information that you need to know and stuff!
EM: Meh, it's not *that* important.
STG: Yes it is! Hey! Come back here!
EM: No.
STG: Yes! Hey, I'm gonna tell you how to help Lita and you're damn well gonna listen!
EM: Pff! That's what you think!
STG: All you have to do is--
EM: <Covers his ears> LA LA LA LA LA!!! I'M NOT LISTENING!! LA LA LA LA LA!!1!!
STG: Hey! HEY! YOU LISTEN TO ME!!1!!
<STG keeps trying to tell Evil Mike how to help Lita, and Evil Mike keeps insisting on not listening.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Hell if I know how STG survived Sally Forth.
Evil Mike is a sweetie,
but he's not that bright.
How's he do all that punching and stuff
with a broken arm?
Green Light
#2859
Hey Al! You find us?
Date: 06/09/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Hi!!!
#2860
STG: I SAID...
Date: 06/09/2003
From: ServoTheGreat
EM: (Still pacing around, covering his ears, and yammering away.) La la de do, the night Chicago died, dum dee dum...
STG: HEY!
EM: Ho dee do, seven nation army couldn't bring me down, la dee da...
STG: IF YOU'D LET ME FINISH...
EM: Do dee do, can't stop, addicted to the shindig, bum dee dum...
STG: (Really frustrated now, and blurts out) DAMMIT! THE ONLY REASON I CAME OUT OF IT SO QUICKLY, WAS BECAUSE I'M A BIG FAN OF THE SALLY FORTH, AND THOUGH THE YAMMERING KNOCKED ME OUT MOMENTARILY, THE EFFECTS WEREN'T PERMINENT!
EM: (Pulls his hands down from his ears) Ah HA! I was only faking not listening! Thanks for telling me, you idiot! Hey... Wait a minute... You're a fan of Sally Forth?
STG: Um, yeah... Kinda...
EM: Loser.
STG: HEY!
EM: But how the hell is that gonna help me wake up Lita? She hates Sally Forth, and I can't make her a fan of something she hates while she's brain dead...
STG: Ya know, since I told you how to help her, am I in GROPE?
EM: No.
STG: Why not?
EM: You like Sally Forth.
STG: What? So what!
EM: Sally Forth sucks. Much like you do.
STG: Wha, hey! What's with all the hate here? I told you how to help Lita! Regardless of whether or not I like a stupid comic strip, I should still be allowed to join your club!
EM: Oh, shut up already. (punches STG)
STG: OW!
EM: Now how they hell do I get her to like Sally Forth?
STG: Read her this. (pulls out of his pocket a book of Sally Forth comic strips)
EM: Huh? You even carry them around with you? Man, you are such a loser.
STG: Just read them all to her, and maybe she'll develop a taste for them, and snap out of it.
EM: I have to read them? Uh uh, not happening!
STG: But she'll be a vegetable forever!
EM: Then you read them! You like this crap anyway.
STG: But I don't wanna.
EM: You're the one that led that bitchy woman to us! NOW READ! (Shoves the book of Sally Forth comic strips against STG)
STG: (Rather gruffly) Fine... (Opens the book) Okay, comic strip one... Sally Forth walks into the room and sees her daughter playing video games. She sticks her finger in the air, and with a know-it-all look says, "That's a real violent game. Stop playing it before you fill your school with C4, and shoot up your classmates with an uzi." The daughter responds, "That's ridiculous." Sally Forth shoots back, "Well, I know best, cause I'm Sally Forth, and my always right, God-like wisdom decrees that that game is bad for you."
(1 hour later...)
STG: ...And then the daughter responds, "Jeez, Mom, no wonder you never get any." At that point Sally sends her to bed.
EM: (Whose been standing there the whole time waiting) Dangit, this is taking forever!
STG: (Puts down the book) Well, if you can think of something better, I'd like to hear it!
EM: I say we attach her to the car battery, and see if that wakes her up.
STG: Wouldn't that, um, kill her?
EM: Hmm... Maybe... Well, I don't know what to do.
STG: Well, I guess I better just be going then...
EM: Oh no you don't, keep reading!
STG: But I've been doing it for an HOUR! I hate Sally Forth now!
EM: Well, if you don't do it, I'll beat you up.
STG: (Scratches his head) Weeeellll, I do hate getting beat up more... I'll read...
EM: That's what I thought.
STG: This strip opens with Sally Forth berating her fat, balding, slow witted, Dilbert-rip-off boss...
ServoTheGreat
Looks like I also forgot to tell how how STG woke up as well. Whelp, that's how you rp with STG, baby! Shaky continuity all the way!
I really do hate Sally Forth.
But if you want a comic strip I *really* hate, then read Family Circus. I despise that strip!
#2861
How are things in the cool post?
Date: 06/10/2003
From: TVs_Al
Hey all,
Since Mickey was kind enough to remind me that this dealie was still going on, I thought I'd stop in and say howdy to all my MST3K buddies! Nice to see that there are still a few people having fun around here, especially since as far as I can tell, there were more people in Coleman Francis' Cuba Assault Squad than there are actual legitimate posters on the main board. Ye gods- what a mess...
But enough unpleasantness- I hope everyone's doing alright. I'm doing pretty well myself, keeping busy with work and the like. If I get the chance I'll try and read back through this a bit and hopefully drop into the story from time to time, but no guarantees since I still suck at role playing.
Well, it's almost lunchtime here, and eventually I've got to get to work, so I'll sign off for now- Talk to you all later!
TV's Al (TAFKA h-wood)
"Yes, Make it sloooow, Megaweapon!"
Servo, WOTLW
#2862
It's sing a long time!
Date: 06/11/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
/a clears his throat........
Ode to GROPE
(Sung to the tune of Billy Joel's "Pianoman")
Carmelita was writing an essay,
She needed an introduction,
PM calls Lita and Rimmi names,
And that's where the rp begins
So they start to trash MSTBlanca,
And Tork and Mickey join as well,
And that Evil Mike, in a show of spite
Blowed up the place all to Hell
Oh, blah di da pleh di da dada
Blah blah blah di de da....
Chorus
Getting revenge on the Pharaoh Man,
That's what we like to write,
Cause we're not in the mood for his evil now,
No we're not feeling alright.
Now Nabut's a henchmen of Pharaoh's,
Bald and Egyptian and smart,
We kidnapped his ass while Sam was smoking his grass,
And Lita went insane in that part
Gramps said he dreamed up a pig demon,
That poked her in the butt
And made Lita cry Blah on the world
And PM made Mickey look like Nabut
Oh, blah di da pleh di da dada
Blah blah blah di de da....
Now PM's a master pulp villian,
Who never had time for his wife,
And there's bartender Rick, and ass chinned Nick,
And Buffalo's singing can cut ;ike a knife
And he's driving around in the big rig,
While Sam is toking his bong,
And he's wearing that dumb blue pharaoh hat,
Why does he always have it on?
Chorus
Now STG wants to join GROPE
They have a vacancy since Gramps was shelfed
They put Gramps in a home, But STG's on his own,
Because GROPE wants to keep his' OKS to themselves
And they're making more VBP references,
And Mickey is eating more soup,
The comic is called "Tales from the Duh"
Read it to get more of the scoop!
Oh, blah di da pleh di da dada
Blah blah blah di de da....
chorus
#2863
Bat girl: We're vampires all right...
Date: 06/15/2003
From: Tork_110
but only in a synthetic sense.
Tork: The hell?!
Batwoman: Girls, help them out of the pool.
<And they do. At Batwoman's place.>
Bat girl: Want any blood?
Tork: Eww.
Bat girl: It's actually strawberry yogurt.
Tork: EWWWW!!
<Meanwhile, one of the bat girls turns on some go-go music.>
Another Bat girl: Come on girls!
<Several bat girls start to dance. Lita6969 joins the fun.>
Tork: <to himself> Litas sure can't dance...
<Meanwhile, in reality.>
Lita: HEY!!
<Lita kicks Tork in the groin.>
<Back to your regularly schudule rp.>
Batwoman: Girls! Girls! We have to start the meeting now. It's in the charter, paragraph 3, line 2.
<All the girls gather around.>
Batwoman: We still haven't found Ratfink. I say we ignore the formalities like in article 4, paragraph 8. All in favor?
Bat girls: Aye!
Tork, to himself: Hmm, this isn't a bad place. And there's a pool.
Batwoman: Now, according to article 6, paragraph 23, line 2, word 3...Stop fighting over that horseshoe!
<All of the bat girls are distracted over the horseshoe. Tork grabs something during the confusion.>
*beep beep beep*
Batwoman: We have an incoming message. Hello?
A bat girl?: Hello? I saw Ratfink the other day. He had a fish over his shirt. He was last seen in Not Europe.
Batwoman: Ok girls, let's go.
Lead bat girl: What about those two?
Lita6969: We can take care of this place while you're away!
Random Bat girl: Let her! She's a good dancer!
Batwoman: Ok. I'm sure there's something in article 9 that says they can.
<The Bat girls leave.>
Tork: Yes! <kisses the wrist watch>
Lita6969: Yoink! <takes the wrist watch> I'll see you at the pool. *wink*
Tork: Ok. ... But first, I'm going to have a look at this place.
Green light
#2864
Hi h_wood!
Date: 06/17/2003
From: Tork_110
Tales from the Duh, won't you?
#2865
STG: This is taking forever!
Date: 06/17/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Lita is sitting in Spidey. Her eyes are open, but glazed over. She has a really blank expression. She's been like that for quite some time now.>
STG: She's never gonna wake up!
EM: Shut up and keep reading! It's our only hope.
STG: *sigh* All right. So Sally notices that her co-worker friend has a lot of to-do lists, so naturally she sticks her nose and and then--
Lita: Ok, this has gone on quite long enough.
EM: You're alive!
Lita: Of course I'm alive, Ted.
EM: Ted?
STG: Ha ha! She called you Ted!
Lita: Now, hush dear! I'm talking!
EM: Did she call you dear?
STG: Woah...
EM: I'm gonna kick your ass!
Lita: TED!!! DON'T YOU DARE TALK THAT WAY TO OUR SWEET DARLING LITTLE DAUGHTER!!!
STG & EM: Wuh????
EM: I need to lie down... <He climbs into the back seat>
Lita: Good. I'm glad he's gone. Now we can have a little girl talk.
STG: Lita, did you take more of those pills? Because--
Lita: Now, Hillary. You know drugs are bad, and I would never do drugs, because drugs are bad, and I don't do bad things like drugs. Now--
STG: You called me Hillary? Wait! This backfired didn't it?? We read you so many comics that you think you're Sally Forth and I'm your stupid daughter and Evil Mike is your husband Ted!
Lita: Don't be silly, Hillary. Of course I'm Sally Forth and my husband Ted is my husband Ted and you're my daughter. Now. We need to talk.
STG: <a little scared> We do?
Lita: Yes. You're getting older, dear. You're what, now? 10? 11? 12? I can never remember. But anyway. It's time we had a talk.
STG: <a little more scared> It is?
Lita: Yes. Why, soon you'll be a woman. And before you know it changes will start happening to your body and I want you to be prepared.
STG: I don't think I want to hear this...
Lita: Nonsense! <wisdom poin> It is every good mother's responsibility to make sure that her daughter finds these things out from a reliable source, and not from the street.
STG: Oh.
Lita: Now. <Lita takes STG's hands in hers in a loving motherly way> During puberty your body will start to change shape. Your hips will get wider--
STG: Is that what happened to you? OWW!! You're crushing my hands! <Lita has indeed applied a lot of pressure to STG's hands, but a serene smile stays plastered on her face>
Lita: And your breasts will--
STG: Wow! Look at that! You've told me all I need to know! Thanks for the talk!
Lita: But I'm not done yet! I still need to tell you about extra hair growth!
STG: Gah!!
Lita: And how the boys will treat you differently now and you should wait for the right one to be your boyfriend!
STG: GAH!!
Lita: And of course there's menstruation, maybe we should go shopping for some feminine hygiene products so you'll be prepared.
STG: AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!1!!!
<STG opens Spidey's door and runs away as fast as he can, screaming all the way, until he's nothing but a tiny dot on the horizon. And then he's gone.>
Lita: Finally. That took way longer than I thought it would.
EM: Uh oh. Looks like our daughter ran away. I guess you want to go find her and have a heart to heart with her or some crap, right?
Lita: Don't be a dumbass, Evil Mike. Let's go. We gotta find the other GROPErs.
EM: But... I thought you thought you were Sally Forth...
Lita: Duh. I was faking it to get rid of STG.
EM: I love it when you're devious!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
This reply has been proofread free.
I apologize for any typos or misspellings.
o/` Young girl, you'll be a woman soon... o/`
Green Light
Hiya wood! Good to see you around! Stick around! Hang out with us!
Next up: Those wacky GROPErs!
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